List: Stereotypes: Indie Music Store Employees

From November 1999 to November 2007 I worked for a Baltimore based chain of independent music stores. I started as seasonal help in ’99 making a mere $5.25 / hour when I was just 18. From there I quickly moved on to Key Holder, Asst. Manager, Store Manager, and Manager in Charge of Training. I worked in all 11 locations: doing inventory, re-merchandising, and general cleanup. My point is: I know the ins and the outs of running and working in an indie music store. Here are the stereotypes that I hate that were associated with my previous job:

10. I smoke pot like, uh, all the time. Not that I think it makes a difference to you if I do or don’t, but it did to me – under some circumstances… like with the police. Try calling the cops when someone steals a bunch of shit from your store and have them take you seriously… and not harass you. You can accuse me of a lot of things and you’d probably be right. But for the record, I don’t smoke pot.

9. High Fidelity is the Best Movie - EVER. Guess what? I’ve seen it a couple of times. I hated it, and I’m sorry. Although completely inaccurate I did like Empire Records. I would have had that little thieving bastard from that movie arrested (if the cops even came when I called them) – I wouldn’t have hired him.

8. People think that you just hang out and listen to music all day. I wish that were true but its not. There is actually a LOT of hard work involved in working in and managing a music store. The general public (and their heathen offspring) likes to fuck up your store – especially on the first of the month. It takes a lot of effort to maintain order in a store that is supposed to be kept in alphabetical order! It’s very hard to convey this realism to applicants – they also think that we just hang out and listen to music. If they are totally into My Chemical Romance, but can’t spell their name, they still believe that they are prime candidates for employment.

7. I Bet you’ve never even heard of Buffalo Springfield! Guess

Buffalo who?

what? I have. I might be a young white girl, but I know what I know. I also knew that when people asked for “that the bullet hits the bone song” they are asking for Golden Earring – Twilight Zone. It’s not called “when the bullet hits the bone”, but it’s the song they were asking about. And when people asked for “that heaven sent you song” by Marvin Gaye, I knew it was Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell - Your Precious Love, even though I’m not old and I'm white. If you ask me a question about your favorite song, you obviously have no clue what you are asking about: let me at least try to prove to you what I know. These are also the people who used to tease about “I bet you’ve never even seen a real 33 & 1/3 record before!” when there are 30,000 of them in the store.

6. So what kind of discount do I get? Ok. If you charged me $5.00 for a $12.00 pizza or removed all of my late fees for a video I hadn’t returned on time, thank you, but that’s on you. Indie store or not, we never operated on a barter system. I never jeopardized my job for cheap food or movie rentals.

5. How much are those backstage passes?! We used to see tickets through Tickbastard. When we first started selling them, TB set up their machines that looked to be made in 1982. If those machines had the ability to print laminated backstage passes for events, it would have been a technological achievement for its time – 1982. I also probably would’ve know how to print them.

4. A quarter! Elton John is SO much better than the Beatles! When purchasing pre-owned music, there is a standard set price. It’s all about supply and demand. Although you might think that a scratched Elton John – Love Songs CD is priceless, it isn’t. I used to explain “high dollar” CDs as something that will always sell, i.e. the Beatles. I guess to some (non-Beatles fans or crack heads with Elton John CDs) that example didn’t work so much.

3. I saw on da innernet it came out on Thursdey! (Baltimore dialect) - Know what? It didn’t. First of all, 99% of CDs are released on Tuesday. Second of all, the Internet often lies. And if you were to have told me that Best Buy had it (which unless it was an exclusive, they didn’t) I would’ve said “Well, why didn’t you buy it there?”.

2. So you’re telling me they don’t make that on cassette!? Nope. They don’t. I bought my first CD player when… well my first CD was Green Day – Dookie. I was late to the party. With MP3s, DVD-Audio and Super Audio, its surprising that CDs haven’t gone way of the 8 track, and you still think they make cassettes (pronounced cass-its, as it often was)? I guess you would be, if you’re still asking for them.

This is crap!

1. Can I return the White Album? I didn’t like it. Maybe I’d understand this coming from a child. Thing is, it came from 40+ year old people. Return / exchange policies had to be tightened due to burning. Our exchange policy was printed on the receipt. Unless you were a “club member” it meant: you could exchange for the same item if your purchase was defective. Sometimes I knew people were getting over on us, but if they stated a good enough case, we had to oblige. Don’t tell me, the stupid young girl that you didn’t already know what was on a CD such as the White Album. And I can honestly say, most of these return-obsessed customers were doctors, lawyers, and politicians – people with money. Shame on you for giving hard working people a hard time because you are too cheap to spend money for music. If you'd rather steal it, do it online like everyone else does - don't steal it from indie store struggling to survive.

That’s my story and that’s my list. Feel free to comment, especially if you’ve endured the same stereotypes as I have.

- Krissy

Correction: After a good nights sleep, I realize that this list seemed to move from stereotypes associated with working at a music store to stereotypes associated with the customers that shop there. It ended up being more of a rant than anything else. Either way, it felt good to put all of this in writing.