StEvO's Summer Movie Preview: Part 1

First of all, I'll get this out of the way. Fuck every single one of those critics who bashed "Speed Racer" which was almost every single one. I don't recommend the movie for everyone to see but if you were a fan of the cartoon, then I think you should be pleased. Plot-more than the show at times. The special effects may be candy-coated over the top eye-popping but so was the cartoon (for the time it came out). It's supposed to look like a cartoon world, that's what they were trying to achieve. All of the actors did very well, except Susan Saran-wrap. But I think the worst part was the re-vamped theme song, so it gets my vote of approval. Now onto the rest of the summer....

MAY 2ND
Iron Man - Saw this opening night, and will probably see it again. It's a very comic accurate movie with great actors throughout the whole movie, and stay till the very end (you know post credits) cos you get an extra scene with a surprise guest. If only he had the line, "Tony, help me get these motherfucking snakes off my motherfucking heli-carrier."

Made Of Honor - This is one of those reasons the movie business is going down the drain. The same old sentimental drip they have to spoon feed you.

MAY 9TH
Speed Racer - SEE ABOVE!

What Happens In Vegas - $5 for anyone who can find
something not annoying about this

What Happens In Vegas - Didn't they already make "How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days"? Sure this time it's six months but just means more bad jokes to sit through.

MAY 16TH
Prince Caspian - The first "Chronicles of Narnia" did pretty well, and these are the books I read alot growing up so I'm hoping this one does just as good. The trailers indicate a lot more action than the first movie had, but the same thing occurred with the second "Lord of the Rings" and that was my least favorite.

Son Of Rambow - Two little British boys making their own Rambo movie. Guaranteed their version is better that the last one Stallone just put out.

MAY 23RD
Indiana Jones and TKOTCS - A very big toss up on this one. Trailers seem to be promising but did they have to include that kid from Transformers? And also can a 60 something man still crack his whip like that? Try the latest drug: Whipgra....don't have that same crack in your whip that you had when you were young? Try new Whipgra, and you'll be whipping commies like you used to. Warning: if still whipping after four hours, please seek medical attention.

Postal - Uwe Boll strikes again, nuff said. Shouldn't he be bankrupt by now?

MAY 30TH
The Fall, The Strangers, and Sex In The City - Not looking forward to any of these. Lucky my weekend here is crammed full of more interesting stuff to do than watch Scott Speedman stumble through another shitty performance (even if Liv Tyler is in it, I fell for it once when he tried the same with Kate Beckinsale in "Underworld") and yet another adapt from tv movie. When's the Sopranoes movie? Oh shit, giving them ideas.

JUNE 6TH
You Don't Mess With Zohan - Award goes to worst concept for a movie. Terrorist becomes hair stylist??? Whatever they were smoking, I'd like to have some. Maybe it came from the set of "The Wackness" (SEE PART 2 OF PREVIEWS).

Kung Fu Panda - Typical animated movie from Dreamworks. Draw in the big names and pretty colors to get the kids coming. Luckily I still consider myself a kid and will probably get sucked into this as well.

Stuck - I remember when this story was in the news. Woman hits guy, guy becomes embedded in windshield, girl drives home and passes out drunk. Just to avoid getting in trouble. Ah I love the stupid people in America, and there's plenty to go around. Enough to keep making movies about them.

Screenshot from the new Incredible Hulk movie

JUNE 13TH
The Incredible Hulk - Hoping this does prove to be "incredible". After the ultimate stinker of a first movie (I'd think I'd rather watch the original Punisher movie with
Dolph Lundgren), this should be a mass improvement. The Hulk looks better, and a real villian this time. Leave your oversized dogs and fathers with powers very similar to
Absorbing Man at the door please.

The Promotion - "Employee of the Month" wasn't that long ago so why a remake already?

The Happening - M. Night goes on and on and on and on. *Banging head on desk right now*

JUNE 20TH
The Love Guru - Austin Powers is back...as a Hindu guru. He even brought Mini-Me with him. Should be interesting, yes.

Get Smart - Another made from tv movie but one I'm more interested in. I remember when they first mentioned doing this movie, and my boss asked me who would make a good
Maxwell Smart. I said Steve Carell, and boom it happened. I have yet to see any shoe phone use in the trailers but I'm excited. Can't be worse than the original movies they made, no offense to the late Don Adams.

JUNE 27TH
Wall-E - Another kid fest with amazing animation. But being mostly non-verbal, will it hold people's attention?

Wanted - Mark Millar is a genius comic writer so hopefully it will translate well again onto film. However a secret society of assassins with Angelina Jolie, the same actress from "Mr. & Mrs. Smith", talk about typecasting.

JULY 2ND
Hancock - Will Smith, super hero, and they pick this for their 4th of July weekend release?

JULY 11TH
Hellboy 2 - I enjoyed the first one despite it not being a big hit. It's nice to see a non-Marvel or DC comic making it at the movies. They create nice plot lines and very different characters to work with, and what else would you see this weekend?

Meet Dave - Is Eddie Murphy still funny? Give me Charlie Murphy any day.

Journey To The Center of the Earth 3D - I just saw this trailer two days ago, and cried. How far does this former comedian have to go? Oh wait, there's another Mummy movie coming soon (ALSO SEE PART 2 OF PREVIEW).

JULY 18TH
The Dark Knight - Ah, my most anticipated movie. And that was long before Heath Ledger's death. I knew he was going to pull off the dark vision of the Joker that Jack Nicholson camped up in the original version. Don't get me wrong, he was great ("Where does he get those wonderful toys?") but I need the insane darkness of the man who killed the second Robin. A complete psychopath, and Harvey Dent on top of it. Nice foreshadowing on his bit with the line, "Some of us die as heroes, and others live long enough to see ourselves become villians".

There's no way Mamma Mia could possibly live up to the awesomeness
of this Abba photo circa 1970

Mamma Mia! - ABBA on the big screen and while the band is actually on tour (I think...). With the success of "Hairspray" last year, this one might just pull it off as well but opening against Batman will be really tough to get through.

And so concludes the first part of my summer movie preview, stay tuned for part 2 when I tear my way through The Wackness, Pineapple Express, Mummy 3, Hamlet 2, Star Wars, and many more.

~StEvO